British Military Culture 1 - Airbourne

During our discussions on the subject of military culture I was reminded of the value of dit/spoof/in-joke in helping to illustrate what really goes on in the mind of the stakeholder(s). As in any society, it is those who are markedly 'different' that are often the richest source of comedic value. Just look at any comedian's material, particularly in comedy's pre-PC heyday, and you'll find examples such as women, ethnic minorities, immigrants, politicians etc etc. The same is true in the military (microcosm of society and all that) and in the British Army we have a target rich environment to choose from, with possibly the brightest paint on the radar screen being the Para Regt.

A great example of how the rest of the Army sees the Para Regt, and indeed how the Para Regt sees itself is capured in this spoof ROE card extract (which obviously does not (NOT!) reflect official policy but is damned funny nevertheless (for the small-minded out there, the standard 'does not reflect the author's or the MOD's policy' disclaimer applies)):


UK PARA REGT EYES ONLY
ROE CARD AIRBOURNE

GUIDANCE FOR LETTING RIP FOR AIRBOURNE PERSONNEL AUTHORISED TO BE TOOLED UP AND LOOKING HARD WITH MORE WEAPONS AND AMMO THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT

GENERAL GUIDANCE

1. These ROE do not affect your general right to be well hard and kick off. However, in all situations you are to use MFV (Maximum F**king Violence).

FIREARMS MUST BE USED IF A SEVERE KICKING DOES NOT GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS

2. Your weapon must always be of the largest calibre available. That is, 5.56mm is OK but the General is definately the business and as for 50cal - enough said. In the case of automatic weapons belt ammo is well ally. L96 is also recommended as it makes you look like a cold blooded murdering psycho.

CHALLENGING

3. Warn the **** he is about to get the good news unless:

a. He was asking for it anyway

OR

b. To do so would make you look a wanker in front of your mates.

4. You are to challenge by shouting:

"Oi ya hat **** get some of this", or words to that effect.

USE OF LETHAL FORCE
PROTECTION OF THE BLOKES

5. You may brass the f**ker up if he/she is about to piss you off or commit an act likely to make yourself and the rest of the Reg look not as hard as you should be.

OPENING FIRE

6. When you open fire you are to:

a. Brass up the entire f**king area

AND

b. Get the General up as quickly as possible and give it big licks

AND

c. Look well f**king tasty throughout.

PROTECTION OF PROPERTY

7. Bollocks to it, if it looks gucci, nick it.

JSP 398 (Airbourne Edition)
UK PARA REGT EYES ONLY



Notes:

'Hat' is a derogatory term for anybody who is not Para Regt (ie does not wear the coveted maroon beret).

'General' is an abbrev for the General Purpose Machine Gun (GPMG), a 7.62mm belt-fed MG.

'L96' is a grenade launcher.